Being a woman who, in any significant way, deviates from the norm of what is considered "beautiful" or "feminine" is harder.
And one of the more common deviations from the ideal of femininity is being very tall, particularly when you're not model-thin. We've all seen very tall girls hunched over, pulling awkwardly at their clothes, or generally looking hyper-aware of the fact that they're taller than most of the guys around them — and hyper-aware that most of the guys probably aren't comfortable with it.
I asked her six big questions about beauty and femininity, and got some brutal truths in response. What is dating like as a tall girl? Do you feel that link hinders you, or that you are perceived in a certain way?
Does Height Matter to Women While Dating?
I make an effort to seem more feminine and less intimidating, and have even caught myself having a more high-pitched voice on first dates and I ALWAYS wear flats on a first date, even if the guy is tall. And sometimes they can be flattering like "I love a tall girl," but a lot of times they're just totally weird.
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And the guys who are shorter than me often just avoid me entirely, because they don't want the socially shameful aspect of it. Honestly, I have dated guys a few inches shorter than me and didn't mind, but they definitely seemed to judge me based on it and be less comfortable than I was.
So if I want a guy who doesn't really think of my height in any way, I have to date a guy who is 6'3 or dating girl your, which limits my pool a lot. Then they become waify model types, which is perceived as the highest level of female beauty. I've had periods of my life where I basically starved myself to get down to a sizewhich on my height is really thin, and it was height I was a celebrity. People stared at me in the street in a good way, and I was treated differently.
But I was also hungry all the time and depressed, so I started to eat normally again and now I'm "average" size. And when you're an average sized tall girl, you feel like an awkward giant, and people look at you totally differently in a not-good way.
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Do you "compensate for" or "counteract" your height, the way a girl with a zit might put makeup on it, or a girl with a bigger stomach might wear a dating a girl your height on her waist? Like, I have terrible posture and back problems from it, and honestly it only probably makes me look worse. I dated a guy for a year who was an inch shorter than me and really insecure about it, and I basically spent that entire relationship slightly hunched over.
Other than that, I wear flats almost religiously and wear clothes that break up my body visually. When I was dating a guy who was 6'6, I would wear these long, plain black maxi dresses and look like a giant statue.
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But that is visually very intimidating, so I don't do that usually. Do you like being tall? If cultural beauty norms and dating and all of that stuff were never an issue, do you enjoy your tallness?
So I don't really have anything to compare it to. But in terms of practicality, it's great for reaching stuff and seeing over people and, like, when I traveled in Japan this past year, it was like I had some kind of superpower.
But it also sucks for airplanes and cars and stuff, so it's a give and take. I think I like it better than I would like being really short, though. What does beautiful mean to you?
Do you feel that you are beautiful, the way it has been defined for us? I see datings a girl your height that I wish I looked like and I think, "Oh wow, she's beautiful," and I'm jealous of her. Like, I see a girl sometimes who is 5'5" or so — a normal height — and she's just with some guy who is shorter than me but still much taller than her and I think that they look They look right together.
Because to me, she is beautiful because she fits into something, and she looks happy and natural. She looks really confident in her surroundings, and doesn't have to worry about slouching or what clothes she wears all the time.